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quasigeostrophyCopied from a comment I made in a thread elsewhere, in response to a question about how people define flirting with intent vs. flirting with no intent. I'm not sure I really answered that question, but wanted to hang onto my comment. Enjoy...
I think my distinction is usually internal. I enjoy flirting for fun, and almost always start out flirting with someone in that manner. If I have a crush on them and they don't know it yet, sometimes I feel like I have to be overly careful - I try to think more about a specific flirty comment/response before sending it (and yes, most of my flirting is confined to electronic media - I'm not as confident at it in person, probably just because I'm not always as quick) and whether or not it is going to go too far. If I already have a Relationship with the person or she is aware of my crush, I usually feel much more free about what I'll say in a flirty situation.
One thing I think is big in my case is that if I start out flirting with someone just for fun (no intent), if such flirting stays very enjoyable and/or I pick up other cues elsewhere that I might really like this person, that will often lead to me falling for/crushing on her. Some crushes I let wax and wane, and will continue to be very flirty at times without intent. If I figure out after I while that a crush isn't fading, think the relationship has potential to go further, and can muster the nerve, I'll confront her.
This is pretty rambly, but I think, for me, it boils down to the fact that it's difficult for anyone but me to know when the switch to intent being on has been thrown.
I think my distinction is usually internal. I enjoy flirting for fun, and almost always start out flirting with someone in that manner. If I have a crush on them and they don't know it yet, sometimes I feel like I have to be overly careful - I try to think more about a specific flirty comment/response before sending it (and yes, most of my flirting is confined to electronic media - I'm not as confident at it in person, probably just because I'm not always as quick) and whether or not it is going to go too far. If I already have a Relationship with the person or she is aware of my crush, I usually feel much more free about what I'll say in a flirty situation.
One thing I think is big in my case is that if I start out flirting with someone just for fun (no intent), if such flirting stays very enjoyable and/or I pick up other cues elsewhere that I might really like this person, that will often lead to me falling for/crushing on her. Some crushes I let wax and wane, and will continue to be very flirty at times without intent. If I figure out after I while that a crush isn't fading, think the relationship has potential to go further, and can muster the nerve, I'll confront her.
This is pretty rambly, but I think, for me, it boils down to the fact that it's difficult for anyone but me to know when the switch to intent being on has been thrown.
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Date: 2004-08-02 03:50 pm (UTC)Right, me either. (Which is precisely why I don't flirt unless I feel pretty safe.)
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Date: 2004-08-02 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-03 12:59 am (UTC)